A New Look; for the blog & at life

Alright, it was time to change the look of my blog. I really need to be working on homework right now, but I just can't focus. These situations always tend to find me writing here. Strange, I know, since I rarely write. Anyway...

When looking for a background, I immediately thought of finding one supporting diabetes. I found one I liked and set it up. I wasn't sure I would use one with diabetes because I have purposed not to make that the focus of our family life. The background worked well, however, because that is exactly what diabetes is to our family. It constantly lies in the background. So, I figured it a good fit for a blog about our family.

When analyzing whether or not to make this my background, I was thinking that the background of our life should really be the Word of God. I suppose there are many ways to look at this though. He should be our foundation, our cornerstone, and our focus. I figure it works because diabetes should be in the background, while He should be the focus and at the forefront. Therefore, if our lives are reflecting Him, diabetes can be in the background.

I know, I know...I've just made a big deal out of something that doesn't have to be that important: the look of my blog. I may be over-analyzing just a bit! ; )

Now more importantly, I have to share that I have been blessed in my BSF study of John recently. Our teaching leader asked us some hard questions right before our Christmas break; questions I've been asked many times throughout my Christian walk. She asked who our lives say our father is. Do my actions show that I am a child of God, or a child of the devil (John 8:44)? As I pondered this, I thought about how guarded I am. I would like to say that my actions always reflect the Lord. Of course they don't, but boy do I try to put on a facade, hoping others believe so. I try so hard to hide imperfections. It's hard to be real and I like to live in the illusion that others only see what I want them to; the triumphs and not the struggles. I'm sure, however, this isn't true. I'm sure others see the pride in this, that I am only just beginning to realize. Didn't you know my life was perfect? : )

As pride is more of a heart condition, I think an even better question is "Does my heart & thought-life attest to the fact that I am a child of God, or a child of the devil?" Even when I do reflect the Lord to the outside world, what do I know my heart reflects? Pride? Jealousy? Selfishness?

I like to share triumphs, but not struggles. And believe me, we've had struggles this year! It's definitely been the hardest year of my life. It's not with pride that I tell you I never questioned God's faithfulness to our family, but a testimony to God's grace in our life. In fact, the diagnosis of diabetes even showed His faithfulness. So many people find out they have diabetes in the midst of serious health problems and hospital visits. We found out before things had advanced enough to cause serious health conditions. And I can't even describe how I felt His hands around me throughout our diabetes "initiation" and education. May He be praised and glorified for this! This faithfulness is what has seen me through.

This knowledge of His faithfulness, however, does not mean that we haven't grieved the loss of pre-diabetes "normalcy". We know that He is as faithful post-diabetes as He was pre-diabetes (Hebrews 13:8). It gives us hope, but this doesn't mean there is no heartache. I cried my share of tears, I still go through periods of grief. I know that God will use Kelsey and her condition for His glory, but this doesn't mean that I don't long for my baby to be free from the necessity of pricking her finger 5-10 times a day. It doesn't mean I love giving her 3+ shots a day. I don't enjoy waking up in the middle of the night to check her blood glucose levels. Diabetes has brought a lot of pain and inconvenience to our lives. Do I not struggle with it? Of course, I do. But for the most part, I don't share this. It is through these struggles, however, that God is glorified as we continue to find Him faithful.

Anyway, my study in the book of John continues to challenge me. My life isn't perfect. If it was, what need would I have for His mercy and grace? My heart & mind know how I desperately need His mercy and grace in my life. I depend on it everyday. And, I can rest in the knowledge that He will continue to be faithful in the struggles ahead.

So that you may be blessed as I have been..."Who do your words/actions say your father is? God or the devil? Who does your heart and thought-life reflect?"